Got change?

It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power. -Alan Cohen

I'm thinking of taking this quote and posting it all over my house, car, office...just anywhere where I can see it on a regular basis.

I have gone through so many changes over the past few months; I've released the familiar because there was no meaning in it for me any longer. And I was unprepared for how much hurt and pain I would go through losing something that I didn't care about anymore. I have turned into a person who I don't recognize. I'm mean and snarky to a person who I swore I'd never be that way with. Because of hurt feelings and the inability to think I've ever done wrong.

But today I'm letting go. I am choosing to make a change in myself, to stop trying to hold onto pieces of a life that I was done with. People grow apart and change if we don't put in the work it takes to change in the same direction. And I didn't put in the work. But I'll not let that happen again. I've embraced the new, and I've got plenty of adventure ahead of me!

My delightful week...

My mom got us the best present ever for Christmas this year. J and I are huge fans of the band Kings of Leon, and she got us 13th row seats at their show in Indy. We went to dinner at the new Scotty's Brewhouse downtown, where his brother is the Kitchen Manager. Import pitchers were only $7 so we had a couple of those and headed to the show.

A band called The Whigs opened for KOL and we both really liked them. They are going to be back in town in March and I think we might try to make that show.

I will have to say that my favorite thing about live shows is everyone singing along. Now, you have to understand that I was crazy lady who knew all of the words to every song. The poor guy next to me might have been annoyed, because he seemed to just stand there all night long while I jumped around and threw goats and generally acted a fool. But, it was my big night out for (let's be honest here) the year probably.

I took quite a few videos with my phone that I had planned to share...until I was finally done being hungover and could watch them without feeling pukey. I, apparently, cannot sing. It's a terrible sound that I will never let anyone hear. Luckily I found this video...



I love the end, when everyone is singing along.

Sadly, I spent the next two days feeling like I might be dying. But that's what I get for drinking so much after the show. But, we had a great time. And that is all that matters.

Forgetful Frannie

That is me. I kinda forgot about my blog. Well, that's a lie...I didn't *forget* because how is that really possible. I started several posts, but could never really finish one. There were things that I felt I needed to say but I could never quite find the right words.

Looking back, I think it was a good thing that I wasn't able to finish those posts. I wasn't in a good spot, and nothing I could have said would have made things better.

But things are good now. I'm finally feel comfortable in my life, in my skin. I feel like I got what I needed in the time I took for myself. I made some friends and learned alot about the person I am and the person I want to be. And the person I want to be is Phoenix's mom, and Josh's...person, lady, wife (someday, don't start the planning) and Nikki's own best friend.

Sometimes I feel badly for the way I acted while I was learning these things. I really neglected the people who love me most. And that wasn't fair to them. But mostly I feel like I needed to be an ass to bring me to the place where I am...the place where they deserve me to be.

So all that was just to say, things are good. Finally, I'm home.

Today's art lesson.

And the lesson is...I've got issues with the left side of my canvas. Not with the canvas its self, with my proportions, angles, brush strokes. Never mind that the colors are ugly...they just didn't work out the way I thought they would. I hate the mauveish thing I've got going on.

Oh a positive note, I really like the way the white pops. So, here is today's work.

In the heat of the night.

I'm being plagued by a childhood...illness, syndrome, figment of the imagination...fuck, I don't know what it is. But I'm miserable, and that's a perfect time to blog.

I've got "growing pains" tonight. I know you know what I'm talking about. That achy, if-I-move-they'll-hurt-less, tension that drives you crazy. Yep, I own that pain tonight. I remember my mom telling me that they'd go away when I grew up. They haven't.

But what other kinds of "growing pains" are there? Things that we're told will get better when we're older, but somehow they just don't. Or things we thought were going to go one way, but they somehow didn't. I'm sure I can't be the only one who thinks thing were going to end up different than this.

Here's my list of "Growing Pains"

1. I was going to be a doctor. When i was growing up I wanted to be a an anesthesiologist. I talked about it all the time, how I'd go to med school and be the best in my class. I'd work at Riley's Children's Hospital and just generally rock. Well, I'm not a doctor. I'm a Marketing Director for a restaurant. Somehow I've never been able to shake that sense of failure.
2. I was the kid that no one really liked. Don't get me wrong, I had friends. I was actually friends with everyone. But not so close that I was invited to parties, or out to dinner or movies. So, as an adult, I still think that no one really likes me. I feel like what I have to say is less important than what other people say. In group situations I get nervous when people don't laugh at what I think is funny. I just feel not good enough.
   
3. I was skinny-skinny. Not that I'm not skinny now, but I was rail thin from the time I was three until pregnancy. I've lost all of the baby weight, but getting used to this mom-shaped body has been hard. I don't have those skinny hips or nice butt, my boobs are not as perky (shout out to the BFers out there) and I feel like I'll never be toned again.

I'm sure there are more, but it's late. The Tylenol has kicked in and seems to be wearing off already. Damn these fucking knees.

Bite me...

It took me awhile to come up with a name for my blog. Nothing seemed to fit. I thought of naming the blog after my little girl, but really...there's more to me than that. I tried to think of funny plays on words that could adequately describe my life...nothing.

So I sulked around the house, picking up shoes and spoons (this is Phoenix's latest obsession) and dog toys and paper plates and clothes. Really, we aren't THAT messy, it just seems that way to the untrained eye. I went to the kitchen, grabbed a bag of chips and WHACK...the name for my blog hit me.

Sea Salt and Vinegar.

Now, it may seem strange to name a blog after a bag of chips but I think that the name suits me perfectly. I'm by no means a perfect person. But I am a perfect blend of harsh traits that make me interesting, fun and downright enjoyable. I've got a bite...just like my chips. But once you get used to it, it's easy to fall in love.